Epsteins Are Everywhere

Let’s be clear — Epstein’s words and post represent so much more than just the disregard of Dr. Biden’s earned title. While this is an issue significant enough on its own, it represents the litany of ways men, particularly white men, impose their power and privilege over women.

This post is going to be a long one, so to the incredible women reading, if you only have time to read one thing — read this:

• You are not crazy — that did just happen.
• You are worthy and valuable.
• You are not alone in this fight.

Let’s get to it…

I’ve meant to write this post (and many others) for some time. Now is just as good a time as ever to get started, because guess what? Today, tomorrow, and the next day there will be more infractions and ways in which white men belittle and degrade women.

Epsteins are everywhere — in your place of work, your local governments, your neighborhood, and your family. They have been here for years, pushing their power, privilege, and positions onto other women. They show up in direct, bullish ways and oh-so-subtle ways, continuing to weave and assert their dominance into the fabric of everyday work, life, and play. Their behavior is co-signed by those around them, including those who read Epstein’s article before publication.

In particular, their whiteness leads them to believe that everything is theirs for the taking — your dignity, your title, your intelligence, your space in the world. White men can take what they want, when they want to, and do whatever they please. And once they take what they want? White people still want more.

This year even I’ve experienced even more of this type of behavior than usual. Maybe it is because white men feel more threatened than ever? Fearful that their power, privilege, and comfy positions in the world are being questioned? Whatever it is, I don’t care to continue to make them feel comfortable. Especially for the number of times over the years, women have sat in astonishment, having been treated in these types of ways and are left to feel uncomfortable. These women have made it (somewhat) safe for me to speak up. Unfortunately, when women speak up, often they are outcasted or forced to justify and defend what they experienced.

I’ve addressed many of the following encounters head-on, in ways that usually start with trying to have an honest, non-shaming conversation with the man. These conversations have led to different outcomes and subsequent events that follow. A few examples I’ve experienced (the ones I’m comfortable right now to name publicly), which don’t even include the regular mansplaining, sexual passes, and objectification of women:

• I’ve been publicly degraded in emails to group threads with major leaders in my profession.
• I’ve received public and private threats about my job, my ability, and my intelligence.
• I’ve been harassed in board meetings.
• I’ve been left off of announcements and acknowledgments for work I did, quotes I said, or something I wrote. Best part? The acknowledgments that were made ended up honoring other white men.
• A leader has asked me if I wanted to go to his hotel room to “make music.” I sat in the conference hall the next day as this same leader then spoke on stage to hundreds and was received with loud applause, accolades, and awards.
• Asked to carry a leader’s suitcase in front of their administration team, all while I was the consultant asked to work on a project with them for my expertise and experience.
• I’ve been told by HR when I had a concern (sexual harassment) that they were employee’s of the company, so while they heard me, it would take me a lot of money to get justice and prove my claim or for the leaders to even receive even an infraction.
• Sexually assaulted — this will need a full post, but just know it’s pervasive.

I share all of this because while it is hard for some to believe and might not be readily apparent to everyone, women experience these things all the time. I’m not one to get hurt by professional feedback or direct dialogue. So while some of the examples seem surmountable, and many women face even greater oppression and inequities, the overall combined effect is incredibly damning and harmful.

If you are reading this and also experienced these things, I’m here to listen and help. I know not everyone will believe you or will somehow find a way to justify the behavior you experienced.

I believe you.

And if you are a man who has behaved in this way and want to do something about it, I’m also here to talk about it. I’m thankful to know some incredible men, including past employers and partners, who have been the biggest advocates for women and helped promote my work and recognize my accomplishments. They’ve invited conversations about their own assumptions, biases, and expressed a desire to learn together. Men can be incredible allies.

It doesn’t just stay with white men, though. Other women, progressive white women, myself included, can be harmful. I’ll save this topic for another post. I’m certain I’ve offended or harmed people. I’m doing this work every day. Reach out to me. I need to know and have to do better. I want to push my thinking, too.

I think there are things we can all do to help. I want to open the lines of communication, not shut them down. With that said, this post clearly is not about that and intentionally focuses just on the issues at hand.

I’m by no means the first person to raise these issues, nor will I be the last. I’m still learning how to address what I’m experiencing and help activate, empower, and organize other women. I don’t always show up for myself, let alone for others. I don’t always know what to do in every exchange when men are behaving this way. But what I do know is that the future is female.

Dr. Liebtag